What I see, somehow all about me

I.

I had this friend with her feet in the clouds
And head in the sand
When we were young and mold-able
She was on her own
Dancing to girly tapes and reading books
And collecting pokemon
Other kids did that too, but she was so
Excitable.  Too expressive.
Called obsessive, called a freak and weirdo
By my sister. By classmates

The years went by and fandoms grew
With cool kids too
Harry Potter made a movie, everyone went
Caught by the enthusiasm,
Even they booked tickets to a midnight showing
Dressed up, bought the book
The morning it was released. Started right away
And compared thoughts
It became cool to show your colours. Fandom
Not just for freaks

Choosing college courses now I split the difference
I need to be realistic
I need to go to school to get a job to support myself
And make my parents proud
My friend encouraged me to dance, listen to my heart
And follow it
I smiled sadly because I knew better than she did
But that was me
I heard about her plans to travel and the courses she chose
And congratulated her
Sincerely.  She had a plan, and while my parents might look at her
Sideways. I knew she could do it.

I had this friend with her head in the clouds
And her feet in the sand
Bare feet connected to the earth, toes skimming
Across the surface
And burrowing, wiggling in the warm silt
Making sandcastles

I had a stronger grip on reality. It seemed that way
Until I turned around
In its clutches I realized reality had sunk its claws into me

II.

I know the machine is there, the metal beast
Clockwork joints and skeleton cage
I know better than to destroy it
But I also see
That I shouldn't wait, lulled by its ticks
Until my span is done
I must figure how to dance to the clicks
and tocks and whirring
Whirling sand about my feet and
Blowing clouds with bellows made of dreams
Into the cracks of the system
Because I know the corners need cleaning
Cogs replacing, gears refit and hinges oiled
More though, because I know the chill down my spine
And the scent of the ocean
The rigid grip of steel claws
And the pain, choosing numbness
Because I know what would happen
If that were all there was
If the machine were the world and the world the machine
Dust and rust would eat it away until it crumbles