In Practice

Can you define freedom?
Draw lines and paint within the borders
A picture of what it is?
Does true freedom defy definition
In its essence
Unbounded, unwritten
Ink bleeding between the stars and
All around
All encompassing
Stretching to the far flung reaches
Beyond imagination
In existence, can it persist?
Or does association with reality
At once confine and twist
The free flowing ribbons
Once unrestrained?
And through this dreaming
What is to be gained? A realization
Of futility?
Acceptance or agitation to strike! Action!
Resist the chains and mortared walls,
Build your own and break them down
Live and allow
Others the same, with their individuality
Imposed on others?
Is freedom making everyone of the same mold?
To eliminate tension
To achieve respect for all
Blend it all together
Lose what can be lost
And deny the rest
Order it neatly and
Wait. Where did freedom go?
Why is my identity disallowed?
Why is individuality forbidden?
I wasn't hurting anyone
Can't we just
Be?

Why do you dress up?

You've shaved and lotioned,
Matched undergarments
To your shoes
Picked the dress
Make sure it falls just so
Looked in the mirror
For half an hour
Squinting until you agree
That it'll do
Wear your smile
Don your confidence
And go out
To keep your coat on the whole night

Fifth and Sixth chances

Thanks to you who say "be strong"
For understanding when I've done wrong
For patience, kindness, and another chance
To get my work done, so that I can dance

Brain splutter

Forgotten until remembered
Where do memories go?
Building blocks of lessons
And all the things we know
The head a watermelon
Squish inside the skull
Somehow there we think and ponder,
Reason, brood, and mull.
Really now how can it be
That matter gray, a sludgy sea
Could hold the taste of pickle brine
Or birthday cake when you were nine
Embarrassment and also bliss
When you received young love's first kiss
Some facts of course crammed for a test
Grief when your dad was laid to rest
Sunburnt skin and breath of gin
Hangnail torn and nephew born
Sensation, relation,
Think  sink  blink


Little snippets strung together in a line or web or cluster
or filed or scattered, dissolved and precipitated
Feelings and experiences inseparable from your sense of being, melt
into the structure or resurface from time to time
Compressed and folded, not in squares, but into the otherness,
of other dimensions
Filling space and taking nothing

Nothing

Stagnating

Lately I've been swimming
in a tide pool
Salty water, critters underfoot
and all around
But I don't touch bottom
or the sides
Or reach for the hand
extended to me
I look at it
Think I comprehend it
But do not take action.
Why is that?

What I see, somehow all about me

I.

I had this friend with her feet in the clouds
And head in the sand
When we were young and mold-able
She was on her own
Dancing to girly tapes and reading books
And collecting pokemon
Other kids did that too, but she was so
Excitable.  Too expressive.
Called obsessive, called a freak and weirdo
By my sister. By classmates

The years went by and fandoms grew
With cool kids too
Harry Potter made a movie, everyone went
Caught by the enthusiasm,
Even they booked tickets to a midnight showing
Dressed up, bought the book
The morning it was released. Started right away
And compared thoughts
It became cool to show your colours. Fandom
Not just for freaks

Choosing college courses now I split the difference
I need to be realistic
I need to go to school to get a job to support myself
And make my parents proud
My friend encouraged me to dance, listen to my heart
And follow it
I smiled sadly because I knew better than she did
But that was me
I heard about her plans to travel and the courses she chose
And congratulated her
Sincerely.  She had a plan, and while my parents might look at her
Sideways. I knew she could do it.

I had this friend with her head in the clouds
And her feet in the sand
Bare feet connected to the earth, toes skimming
Across the surface
And burrowing, wiggling in the warm silt
Making sandcastles

I had a stronger grip on reality. It seemed that way
Until I turned around
In its clutches I realized reality had sunk its claws into me

II.

I know the machine is there, the metal beast
Clockwork joints and skeleton cage
I know better than to destroy it
But I also see
That I shouldn't wait, lulled by its ticks
Until my span is done
I must figure how to dance to the clicks
and tocks and whirring
Whirling sand about my feet and
Blowing clouds with bellows made of dreams
Into the cracks of the system
Because I know the corners need cleaning
Cogs replacing, gears refit and hinges oiled
More though, because I know the chill down my spine
And the scent of the ocean
The rigid grip of steel claws
And the pain, choosing numbness
Because I know what would happen
If that were all there was
If the machine were the world and the world the machine
Dust and rust would eat it away until it crumbles

Find your self, Find your place

Sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart

The ground is as solid as it has ever been

The Earth, ever surprising, ever changing,

Yet - ever constant.

The sky never cracks, never shatters

Yes, the sky changes, the sky shifts, the sky

Lets loose torrential rains; clouds

Blazing fire, surreal washes, or cool deep color

Pure - contorted - distraught - yet, constant

Sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart

The world around me blurs in one moment

Then sharp, acute my senses are

I am falling in chaos

Living life ruled by a schedule

Ruled by time

Who am I?

I laugh. At myself. A lot

Or for weird reasons

Or for no reason at all

Simple, hysterical, uncontrollable laughter

It's not funny

What is wrong with me?

I cry sometimes

Sometimes I feel like I am falling apart

Mostly I laugh - hollow or falsely

Sometimes I feel the fault line shift

The pressure builds up

Crack - shatter

But I hold it inside

Never show who I am...

Not even to myself.

Who am I?

I seem to have lost myself.

Distance myself from others

Show only some of my faces,

My multi-faceted personalities.

I try to get close to my friends

Let them get close to me

But even I don't know me.

Were I another person

I probably wouldn't like me

Sometimes I feel like the world is closing on me,

Crushing me - I cannot breathe,

Sometimes I feel like the world is expanding

Everyone is distanced

I find myself lost, in a haze

I don't know me.

Do you know?

Who I am? What I am?

Who am I? Where do I belong?

Attempt to rhyme with orange

There once was great fear of the Orange,

Writers' pens bent in shame like a door-hinge,

Sadistic is the tree

Whose fruit cries with glee

To sad Rhymers: "Less sulk and more whinge!"

Colourful Rubberband Ball

Joyness, loveability, happytastic
Bounce around and make your unreal reality
A living dream with people about for whom you care
And they will see you as a lunar attic
A place where moonlight bathes the dust
And soaks under the skin
As you read your fictions and breathe your fantasies
And every movement, your posture, proclaims your freedom
Asks them to join whenever they feel
Projecting a dynamic peace, always bubbling and rolling
Expanding and pulling in clouds of stuff
Dispelling and discounting the stuffy stuff
Drenching them in what matters

Breath of Life

A warm, pleasant day
Turns oppressive under the sun
When the heat mounts each day
Lingering at night like a sickness
It is the humidity you hate
The water you wish to cool and drink
Gathers thickly in the air
Soon the skies roll out gray
And still the heaviness stays
Until the storm breaks
Raging in torrents, thunder and lightning
Crack the sky
Release

and then you breathe again

Disconnected

Apathy, a dangerous drug
Blunting nerves and reactions
Edging the world in haze
Until you forget what it is to care

Looking

How.     How?     How!

            *  *  *

It's okay 'cause we're all white now
bathed in light of every colour,
imperfection washed away
treated the same and left to dry
multiculturalism at its finest:
assimilation

See the black one angry and loud
hear the rude joke about the Mexican
or the Irish
but we frown as we chuckle
and assure with "no offense"
cover your ass
'cause we're all white now

Learn your history, learn disgust of genocide
The Holocaust, a tragedy
Don't you dare contradict their sorrow

Slavery built our Great Nation?
A dark time in our history
but we're all white now
remember the great speeches, the bus rides,
the Dream realified, now we have good laws
ban reclaim reclaim Ban ??? the n-word

Okay, so we're working on it
but it's okay because we're working on it
We see. We know. and so do They

Because we're all white now

Hold demonstrations, Day-s of remembrance
assemblies at schools, policies and poetry
racism is a dirty word
hold your head high and claim Your Rights
'cause we're all white now

Asians in their concentration camps
Arabs in our airports
All for safety, with due apology meanwhile and after
'cause we're all white now

Then something tugs from the corner of your mind
Something once learned forgotten
Something in the timeline doesn't connect
what happened to that history?

The true citizens, whose names and language
were put into words with your alphabet
which just look like a lot of letters.
Indians, First Nations, Native Americans
trade, learning, sharing culture and custom
overrun, flooded, demonized and dehumanized
Unseen among the trees, cut down for civilization
Battled bravely, and worked for peace
negotiated, tried everything - gave everything
lost everything
'cause we're all white now

How could you not see
The Trail of Tears
glistening in the moonlight, steaming under the sun
graven into the land and time
and how can it ever make sense?

Go enjoy the totem poles, buy a pair of moccasins
made in Taiwan
Continue down the street where you don't see
the homeless alcoholic
Don't see the good parents trying to teach their children
A proud and beautiful, ancient culture
forget about the reservations where we've packed them all away
that was the brief explanation in History class, right?
Where they all went
'cause we're all white now

Minorities are protected by laws these days
They have Rights
They have the Vote  (took you long enough)
They have a Voice
don't they?

And there's no need for resentment
Over what our predecessors did to theirs
We can't be blamed
shouldn't be held accountable
shouldn't have to do anything?
'cause we're alright now.
Right?

Moving Out

Dusty boxes dirty shelves
Packed and wrapped
In cloth and plastic
Bubbles of air
Expected to cushion your mirror
Over bumps

Trash bags full of
Precious items,
Clothes, and old pointe shoes
Boxes of books, they're heaviest, those books
Take apart the furniture and
Load it up, gently

Richer for the spare change
Found
Sunglasses discovered
One shoe goes in this bucket, the other
Is already packed, surely
Somewhere

The skates go with the blender
Whirl together in their box
Use the vacuum one last time
And leave it by the free brooms in the garage
It doesn't work well, anyway
It wanted to be a figure skater

An empty place now, one last check
The shelves, the drawers and cupboards
Lines in the carpet from that heavy bed
(Without the slats, and drawers,
Not as heavy as you'd thought)
Impressions, scars, proof of your brief stay

The suitcases go last, with the things
You'll need right away
Take some pictures just to see and remember
The awe of the empty space
The truck now full with
Everything

Leave the vase behind
You'd only have to deal with broken glass
The flowers, too, beginning to brown and wither
Will greet the new tenant
Or the landlord, in to check on something
It's time to get on the road.

Dream Chaser

of all the stars
in the sky
I reach for the one
way up high

like the berries
at the top of the tree
the highest dreams
are waiting for me

I stretch to the heavens
My eyes bright with hope
but some things are impossible
how do you cope?

the stars shimmer
with happy light
meretricious glare,
seeming right
I long for the love
that they promise to hold
but they lie from on high
and leave me cold.

By the light of the Sun

We're all angels, everyone
Creatures of the heavens
Whirling through space
In time, our reverie n'er done

Angels, we wish for good
Though some may fall to evil
We seek our happiness in the wind
Starlight is our food

Road Trip

Seeing problems off afar
Watch them creeping closer more
Every moment still no change
Look out the window of your car

Bed

Falling backwards
Cotton sheets
Sleep surrounds
Unconsciousness eats
The worries of the wakeful mind
Like alcohol or drugs unwind
Sink into the softness there
Baggy clothes and messy hair
Careful, you may never leave
The safety of this nighttime sheath

Moon

Awake, Awake!
The sun has set
Greet the Day
You've never met

Light's reflection
Over stone
Brilliance of the stars,
Outshone

Radiant, it's face
Alight
Pale, serene
The Sun at Night

Trust

I want to curl up in your arms
because you can hold my worries
I want to curl up in your arms
because you can hold my fears
I want to curl up in your arms
because you can hold my dreams
I snuggle closer to your chest,
You who know me best.

Time Divided into Years

Save a nickel, save a dime
Running fast to save some time
From the cold sky steal a star
Keep it safely in a jar
Cap the lid and twist it tight
Oh look now we're saving light
Make a wish and breathe out slow
With your bright star's fading glow
Fall back, spring ahead
Back and forth until you're dead.

Who knows if there's a reprise
Cake, death, life, may be all lies.

Open Eyes

Welcome back to the world of the living
Where spirals of conscious connect in flashes
of colour and light and sound

But how to perceive the depth of the touch
The bond weak or strong, complex or simple
Or both in relation profound

The tendrils of thought slide and grasp
they whip and prod and slur-r-r through space
in the sky or along the ground.

An Apology

Sincerely sorry I'm never there
when I said I'd be
Time keeps moving
Never enough
Always moving always doing
but not always to a purpose
Or at least a meaningful purpose
My work holds me with the grip
Of my own mind
Supposed importance, must-be goals
that may or may not lead
to happiness.
What future do I move toward?

I follow, I lead, but do I think?
Do I look where I'm headed?
Do I truly make my own choices?

I am so very sorry
More than words can say
not just for you
but for me too
I cannot see a ray
of hope, or a path to step upon
to redirect my future,
I simply acknowledge
My oppression
And continue on my way

I am never there
Where, I do not know, but
I am never there
I am surrounded by my work
which holds me, woven in my mind
my twisted thoughts
convoluted impressions
I go and never stop
I write looking from outside
and yet I still am moving
My work cinches tighter
as time passes
The more I do
the more I lose
of myself
time and lack of presence
washes me away
I am fading
Still I work
I am fading
Still not here
I am fading
Still no change

I am fading

I am so sorry I could not be there today

While I did my homework.
I am washed away
My life is but
A pre-planned
Meaningless
Impressionless
Fatalistic
variable
in a system of equations
for a nicely explained
Neatly explained
Solution
To society, to youth, to change, to what my future
Should be.
I am washed away.

Outside

A puff of smoke
and then I choke
Please don't do that near me.

Bored

Why did I start this?
Yeah, I know
But at the moment
It's moving quite slow

I've a few ideas
I'd like to create
But for now
I won't elaborate

I've jotted down notes
Started a rhyme
And with such procrastination
It's clear I've got time

But at the moment
They float away from me
Those thoughts once so important
A moment of "I see!"
Await me now in silence
Drifting off the lines
Stuck without expression
Unwritten ink confines.

Lines

Looking for meaning
I see a sign
That requires leashes for dogs.
Study the palm of your hand.

Author and Person

Characters, puppets, to their creators
Forced through drama and hurt and shame
Moved in the dance designed by their masters
Yet leading by strings of their own
Separate thought and relative realities
Or risk discovering (disallowing?) a soul.

Happy Birthday

I love your magical hugs
Which never fail to make me feel better
Or to sap the anger from me when I'm miffed at you
Thank you for so much
I love you

March Forth

March forth into the world
Shoulders back and spirits high
Look around and see the world
With strong heart and soft eyes
Every day a new sunrise and
Every moment a new chance
To seize the love inherent here
To live within its song and dance

Revive

Serenity (soul)
And (acceptance)
Real (understanding. empathy)
Attitude (passion)
Here (heart)

Thank you for dancing with me
Long ago, and to this day

Reconnected
Resolution.

Spoiled

Even when the fault lies with us
Still we find that we resent
Not our actions or our nature
Just the fact of our descent

Not Acknowledged

Tiny apples in the snow
Dropped where branches let them go
Frozen still they'll rot in time
for Spring when worms will make the climb
Sleek crows natter their dissent
Over where the murderer went
Footprints melt under the sun
Crossed where wolves and deer have run

Back to the city the man slips away
Crawls under sheets that were so neatly made
Yesterday morning by his late wife.