Friendship and Other Forms of Love

I miss the way you'd walk with me
Every smile and glance
The jokes the deeper subjects, too
Just friends, though others
Looked askance at holding hands
And secret smiles, hours spent
As we walked miles to wait
A couple hours or more
For a class just taken because
We wanted to

And sometimes I felt a leaning
Caught by the softness in your eyes
And turning red, I wished that you
Would lean in, too
And hold me close, around the waist
And yet I couldn't let it happen
Unless I could be sure, so sure
That consequences could be faced
The awkwardness embraced, and more
Our friendship changed
Beyond the current state

And so the flirting games ensued
Not so much a game as
An intensity pursued, The heat
A warmth that called to me
Your soul, accepting more than
Anyone I know and yet
I was afraid
And unsure.


I made a choice that seemed
Right at the time
Or maybe left
Something behind now
Still I pulled it along, insistent that
I could keep hold
And I did
Sort of.
Things change

After all I learned the difficulty of knowing
Of separating and defining feelings
So much harder than even dramas depict
Because you laugh at the characters
And think their struggles silly
The choice is always obvious
And closure as the credits roll
Is felt in the way each actor filled his
Or her role. You saw the characteristics
And perhaps found the ending
Bittersweet
But until now I couldn't sympathize

Now you are with someone else
Happy, I think
And I am happy for you
I think
You will always be my friend,
And I want to always have that